Mists of the Mind

I’m lost in my own mind. I’m 595,618,742 seconds old and have realised that I am alone. I’ve always been meant to live in solitude. My personality description tells me so and now, I see it is true. I can’t fight it. No matter how hard I try. My mind has been wallowing in its own self-pity, stumbling in the loneliness and the fogginess surrounding my brain. For years I’ve tried to clear it away, but alas, I see that it’s forever, unwilling to be lifted.

I don’t yet understand why I’m meant to be alone. However, there has to be a reason. At least, I hope there is.

My loneliness is usually mild. I can control how it controls me. But sometimes, the feelings overcome my senses of control. I know I don’t seem sane writing this, some may say I’m depressed. I know this is not so, however. I’m as sane as you are. I’ve always felt like this, but can feel it more so now that I’m older. I know it’s not PMS, just like it’s not depression. A good cry can cure it sometimes, but others, I’m not sure.

Love has destroyed me: from the inside out.

I’ve seen so-called love. I’ve experienced so-called love. I’ve come to the conclusion there’s no such thing. Love only adds to the mist in my mind, building it to such an amount that it’s physically painful. I’m sure the effects of love I’ve seen and experienced makes up most of the fog inside of me. That, I haven’t a doubt.

I’m a natural-born pessimist and all too often sarcastic.

This is not sarcastic. Since age five, I’ve been expected to become a Doctor. It seems I can’t escape this. It’s an unknown burden I’ve been expected to hold since I was five. Perhaps as I grow older my loneliness will become heavier. It’s all in the unknown future. I sure don’t feel prepared for these feelings of solitude and bleakness that seem to lie ahead.

It seems I can blame no one but myself. But tell me, exactly how sane are you?