Older days

It was so dumb

When boredom struck me last Wednesday night, I decided to sift through the old folders on my computer. Comprised essentially of digital memories from middle school, I clicked through, smirking at old pictures and chuckling at my first attempts at Corel.

I decided to explore the folders that contained all the writing I put online. It was nothing major - an editorial here, a review there - but it just brought back the recollections of my former self.

Well, not really my former self, just my younger self. I could see me, sitting on the computer chair and staring at the screen, the keyboard in my lap (due to space constraints), tik tacking away. I remembered the anxiety of posting up a requested banner and avatar set at a message board, hoping the requester would choose mine. There I was, the headphones perched on my ears, giggling at a video a friend had sent me to watch. It was a good time.

But then I delved further, digging into old sub folders, opening the images and snatching glimpses into my younger life.

And then, suddenly, I caught myself on the verge of tears.

Why the hell was I so emotional? There was nothing sad or depressing contained within the old documents and photos. In fact, they were from happy times, when homework wasn’t so imperative and projects didn’t loom overhead. They were from a time in which I was set to explore the world and what I could do.

That’s it.

Whatever the reason, something had change since then. Was it me? Or was it the world? Or perhaps..both? I sat with my hand over my head, still on the verge of tears. What was the problem?

Well, like sand through an hourglass, so are the days of our lives. It all continues no matter how hard you want it to stop - or reverse, in my case. Eh, I wasn’t too concerned with stopping time, since that would mean being stuck and ceasing to move. Rather, I wanted to go back, just to remember what it was like.

To be free and relaxed, to look forward brightly to the next day and to not have to worry about grades or school requirements. I would love to go back to worrying about whether or not that person I don’t know likes my graphics. I would love to go back to typing out my opinions on a subject and sharing it the online community. I would love to go back to being a younger me.

Gah, that’s so dumb.